Beyond Belief: Inexplicable Resumes That Baffled Recruiters

By Aileen D January 24, 2024

This article was originally published on funniesnow

Your resume: it’s more than a piece of paper; it’s your career’s first impression. The difference between landing that dream job and receiving another rejection email boils down to this single document. But here’s the kicker – some folks unknowingly shoot themselves in the foot with their resumes and never even see it coming.

Imagine a hiring manager scanning through a pile of CVs, hoping to find that diamond in the rough. Yet, they come across resumes riddled with blunders that would make your English teacher cringe. Typos? Check. Inconsistent formatting? Double-check. It’s like a carnival of resume horrors. A “one-size-fits-all” resume with another company’s name in the salutation? Triple Check.

The lesson here? Crafting a killer resume takes more than slapping together your job history. Tailor it, proofread it, and get a second opinion. Learn from the mistakes of this lot.

It Shows

So, this job applicant thought the hiring process was a virtual reality game. Here are their skills measured by a quirky bar graph. Patience? Check! Worth ethic? Meh! Composure? Superb! Dependability? So-so! Decision-making? Definitely does NOT show! It’s like they were in a wild competition against themselves.

Image courtesy of brushgooddar / Reddit

In their grand virtual quest, they forgot that real-world bosses don’t wear VR headsets. Instead, they sport stern expressions while staring at plain old resumes. No amount of beeping and blooping on a graph can replace exemplary old-fashioned professionalism.

Ammusing

This job hopeful aimed to showcase their academic prowess, but here’s the kicker – they couldn’t even spell “amuses” right. It’s like acing the quantum physics exam and fumbling on “cat.” Maybe they were secretly testing our sense of humor; who knows?

Image courtesy of Akdrew5_p / Reddit

Lesson learned: Spellcheck is your friend, folks. Always set time to proofread your work, even if you have AI write it for you. Sure, academics matter, but so does basic spelling. Because nothing quite amazes employers like an applicant who has a handle on equations and words.

Give Up

A job applicant got creative and slipped the lyrics of “Never Gonna Give You Up” into their skills section. Who would’ve thought Rick Astley’s smooth crooning would double as job qualifications? “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down” apparently translates to “excellent teamwork and dependability.”

Image courtesy of jeoswo214 / Reddit

While their audacious move might earn a chuckle, it’s a fine line between standing out and sending hiring managers on a rickrolling frenzy. You’ve got to admire the confidence, though – “Never gonna run around and desert you” as a testament to commitment? Admirable but best for an office joke.

Another Character

This job applicant turned their resume into a funky art project. They transformed their skills—punctuality, independence, teamwork, and creativity—into a circle outline. But here’s the kicker: they decided to shade each section to represent their skill level. It’s a performance art piece on paper!

Image courtesy of lashuel / Reddit

Punctuality got a promising shade because they’re almost always on time, while independence got the second most significant percentage because they’re as self-reliant as a lone wolf. Teamwork? Well, they can play with us. And creativity? They ought to think outside of the box more often.

A+ for Candor

With the candor of a truth-telling guru, this applicant laid it all out. “I’m on the hunt for a part-time or flexible gig, and hey, let’s talk money. I’ve got my eyes on that sweet spot between $55,000 and $75,000.” It’s as if he’s ordering his favorite dish with extra toppings.

Image courtesy of z4ce / Reddit

But here’s the plot twist: they didn’t sugarcoat their past. They boldly admitted, “In my journey through the world of transport services, I’ve been let go from every avenue.” At least he’s forthcoming and willing to wear his heart on his resume sleeve. You know who not to hire.

Tasty Wordplay

This applicant decided to serve up their resume with humor that could rival a comedy club routine. They proudly touted their experience at McDonald’s as a “senior production specialist” with a cheeky twist. They asked, “Would you like fries with my service?”

Image courtesy of player896 / Reddit

While humor can be a delightful spice in a resume, one might wonder if they accidentally ordered their job application from the comedy menu. The blend of professionalism and playfulness is akin to mixing oil and water – a bit tricky but could lead to an unforgettable flavor.

‘Professional’

This tech-savvy job applicant took “Photoshop skills” to a new level. While applying for a computer technician role, they proudly attached a picture showcasing their expertise. But here’s the kicker – they strategically placed eyeglasses on their face, not through some fancy image editing software but through Microsoft Paint.

Image courtesy of Ozplod / Reddit

He’s fallen a few notches down in the desirable list with his unintentional optical illusion – “I wear glasses, so I’m clearly qualified!” stunt. Next time, go with advanced photo manipulation tools instead of a pixelated pair of specs—good thing we weren’t born in the digital age of misinformation.

Sales Pitch

Imagine stepping into a room where a job applicant practically gives a sales pitch with their resume. With a confident grin, they address you, the reader, as if you’re right in front of them. “You’re seeking a sales wizard, and lo and behold, that’s who I am.”

Image courtesy of Tex__ / Reddit

Remember: a sales pitch is like your best friend bragging about you to others – it’s all about highlighting your strengths, achievements, and what makes you awesome. On the other hand, a resume is like a sneak peek into your professional life, sharing your skills and experiences neatly and formally.

Collegiate Level

The job applicant walks in, all eager and hopeful. The conversation goes well until they discuss their “bag grounds” instead of backgrounds. You can practically see the puzzled expressions on the interviewers’ faces. Is he in need of caffeine, or do we need to call 911?

Image courtesy of MeShuggahMe / Reddit

This person couldn’t spell to save their life! Instead of “backgrounds,” they wrote “bag grounds.” We’re not looking for someone who’s into bag collections. A good laugh at their expense, but also a lesson that spellcheck is your friend.

Nearly Three Decades

Hold onto your hat because we’ve got a story that’s either the pinnacle of creativity or just plain wild! We’re skimming through resumes, and this applicant claims they graduated with a BS in Engineering. Okay, cool. But get this – they supposedly graduated from a school we’ve never heard of.

Image courtesy of JoeBaggoDonuts / Reddit

Totally unreal. It took them a whopping 37 years to snag that degree. Now, we’re all for perseverance, but that’s a stretch! Did they accidentally fall into a time warp, and what happened to this non-existent school? Instead of giving us security, this resume is giving us red flags.

Cute

We’re sifting through resumes and come across a real head-scratcher. The applicant’s education section reads “ABCDM, HT.” What in the world is that secret code? After some detective work, it turns out they’re claiming to have a degree in “A Bit of Curious Degree Magic” and a postgraduate “Hocus Pocus Technique.”

Image courtesy of josssskidding / Reddit

But that’s not all – their skills section proudly boasts “manual driving (stick shift).” Props for creativity, but maybe next time, let’s stick to the classics in our resumes. “ABCDM, HT” might not fly everywhere, and while magical studies are intriguing, let’s keep things grounded in reality.

Yeah, Right

Guess who’s playing the mysterious card in the job application game? We’re going through resumes, and what do we spot? “Excellent references available upon request.” Are we guarding a secret society of references, or did your contacts join the Witness Protection Program?

Image courtesy of aak47 / Reddit

This applicant’s references are secret agents who only get revealed when the hiring mission is a go. But here’s the deal: these people are meant to vouch for you, not star in a spy novel. Unless they are superheroes in disguise, simplify things.

Goal-Oriented Applicant

There it is – a “goal-oriented” job applicant popping up like one in a million. But wait, there’s more! In the skills section, they hit us with the classic combo of “quick learner,” followed by the ever-elusive “pays attention to detail,” and then, for good measure, another dash of “quick learner.”

Image courtesy of Deadlift420 / Reddit

But let’s give credit where it’s due. They’re passionate, and repetition can be a strong stylistic choice – it’s like that catchy chorus you can’t help but sing along to. Remember, variety’s the spice of life, and a well-rounded skill set is the real golden ticket.

Not Bought By It

Someone’s claiming to be the financial maestro of our time! His resume shines like a beacon of fiscal responsibility – “manging personal finance.” Yep, you read that right. If only managing finances was as easy as working that extra ‘a’ in there.

Image courtesy of Nighwingvyse / Reddit

But hold up; the real pièce de résistance is the image they’ve added – a heap of British pounds to drive the point home. Now, we’re not saying they’re not the next Warren Buffet, but let’s say that this dramatic visual cue imagery doesn’t exactly make their case ironclad.

Call Immigration

Hold the phone and prepare for an international twist in the job hunt saga! This applicant listed a whole country as a skill, breaking it into two words as if it’s at war with each other. It’s like saying, “Yep, I’m skilled at cartography and being a country.”

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They’ve thrown in “my smile” for good measure. We’re all for positivity, but something’s not adding up unless their grin comes with a visa and diplomatic immunity. Honestly, we’re tempted to call immigration and ask if they need to have someone on the loose deported.

Kids’ Play

This resume is channeling kiddie vibes. This thing’s loaded with boxes – like they’re ready to tick off stats and special abilities. Name, age, level of experience? Check. And did we mention they’ve got a section for “Favorite Color” and “Superpower of Choice”?

Image courtesy of Blakedigital / Reddit

While we appreciate the playful spirit, let’s remember we’re in the world of professional resumes, not a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Your character sheet’s cute, but let’s stick to a format that allows your skills and experience to shine. This isn’t a quest; it’s a job hunt!

Meant to be a Fictional Author

This is a Jedi in dealing with the impossible: “reasoning with unreasonable people.” Turning stubbornness into compliance might be a magical feat, but a job’s not a battle of wills. They could be better suited as a fictional writer, weaving tales of diplomacy in fantasy realms.

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While their knack for taming the unruly entertains us, let’s make sure their skills align with the job. After all, as tempting as it is to conquer the unconquerable, sometimes, a little compromise can go a long way in the real world.

Stellar

We’ve got a tale of mistaken identity in applications. This Redditor was sifting through resumes, and what did he see? A studio portrait that looks like it’s fresh off a Hollywood set. The lighting, the pose – this person could be auditioning for a blockbuster role instead of a job.

Image courtesy of NIkkiLou / Reddit

The lesson? It’s all about context. Rocking the red carpet is one thing, but nailing the interview is a different game altogether. So, dear applicant, while your portrait might be Oscar-worthy, let’s shift the spotlight to your skills and experience and forget that Hollywood glam.

Pony Away

We’ve just come across a blend of worlds that’s as unique as it gets. This candidate is armed with a computer science and mathematics degree, flaunting their skills with a resume template that’s straight out of a “MyPony” kids’ show. Talk about an unexpected twist!

Image courtesy of CityCalling / Reddit

While their playful approach deserves a tip of the hat, let’s remember that the job arena’s more like a chessboard than a tea party with magical creatures. A balance of professionalism and uniqueness is critical. Otherwise, you’ll be giddying away from an interview with your tail between your legs.

Honesty Gets You on Reddit

This resume is like a refreshing gust of honesty in a world of embellished claims. While some might call it risky, it’s actually brave. And guess what? It worked – their straightforward approach landed them on a Subreddit, with people praising their gutsy move.

Image courtesy of je-suis-pauvre / Reddit

However, the manager didn’t think the same. It is a classic case of missing the mark. Sometimes, the quest for approval takes an unexpected turn. While he had gotten public commendation, he failed to land the job. Lesson learned: when aiming high, make sure your trajectory is spot-on!

Missed an ‘L’ There

Ah, the irony of a resume that claims “attention to detai”! This HR manager was scrolling through applications, and there it was, a little typo waving hello and saying, “I pay attention to the little things, except for that pesky l.”

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While mistakes happen, it’s a gentle reminder that even the tiniest details matter – especially in a job hunt. Imagine baking a cake and forgetting the icing – the effort’s there, but the finishing touch seals the deal and gets you in a coat and tie.

Sure, Whatever

Get ready to laugh because we have stumbled upon a job applicant who’s got quite a sense of humor! They claim to have “catlike reflexes – now you see me, meow you don’t.” Classic. It’s like they’re auditioning for a comedy show rather than a job interview.

Image courtesy of DrSpy / Reddit

They may be better off as a writer crafting witty one-liners. After all, they’ve got puns down pat. Hats off to their playful spirit, but in the realm of resumes, fewer puns, and more skills. So, dear applicant, while your humor’s purr-fect, let’s save the punchlines for the right audience.

New-age Disqualification

The good old bachelor’s degree – once a golden ticket, now it’s like a basic membership card in the job hunt game. Times have changed, and having one isn’t the dazzling star it used to be. Employers are flipping the script, expecting more than just a degree to be impressed.

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It’s like showing up to a party in your Sunday best – sure, you’re dressed well, but so is everyone else. Nowadays, it’s about those extra dance moves, the witty anecdotes, the networking finesse. Your degree’s the foundation, but the real show happens when you strut your skills, experiences, and uniqueness.

What Happened to Backspace

You are handed a resume, and what do you see? Boxes are screaming “text here” like a neon sign. It is like receiving a puzzle missing half its pieces. A well-crafted resume is your golden ticket, not a game of fill-in-the-blanks.

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Those boxes are road signs to a communication dead-end. A clear, concise, and engaging resume takes more than a set of empty boxes. If yours looks like a coloring book missing colors, it might be time for an upgrade. And learn to use backspace!

Looking for Upright Employee

We’ve got a job applicant who was shown the exit for insubordination – they likely played the role of a rebel without a cause. Here’s the kicker: if they can’t play well with others, can they genuinely jive with a top-notch employer?

Image courtesy of Firmteacher / Reddit

You can’t show up late to a dance party and expect to be the star of the show. How can they lead a symphony if they can’t follow the beat? As much as we root for second chances, insubordination’s a red flag that might not mesh well with an upright employer.

Here’s Proaof

Here’s another story that’s a mix of irony and redemption. What jumps out of the page after we’re nearing the end of it? A candidate who claims to have the magic touch of “proaofreading.” Yep, you read that right – a typo on a skill about getting things right.

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While we all have our moments, this one’s a bit like a chef burning their dinner. It’s a reminder that self-awareness and thoroughness go hand in hand. Bet they’re face-palming themselves a minute after they pressed the ‘send’ button.

Millennials…

The digital age took a step back into the physical realm. Here we found a LinkedIn page printed out and submitted as a resume. But here’s the kicker – this candidate is a multilingual maestro, and their LinkedIn page practically screams, “I speak the world’s languages!”

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“Move over, Rosetta Stone; I’ve got my LinkedIn profile.” As incredulous as it sounds, it’s impressive. Just remember to craft your resume next time. All we want is a single course, not the entire buffet to taste and dig through.

Can’t Follow Instructions

Here we have a high school student on a quest for an entry-level job that’ll supposedly lead to personal growth. But here’s where it gets interesting. Their “awards” section boasts the grand title of “Student of the Month.” Classic. And as for their resume’s content, imagine this: a blank page.

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Just a barren desert of white space with placeholders screaming “Place your text here.” They’re offering you a DIY project – assemble your own resume! And the cherry on top? They kindly remind you to delete the placeholder text, in case you thought it was a modern art piece.

So, There’s This Other Position…

We just stumbled upon a resume giving the word ‘unique’ a run for its money—an entire document peppered with ‘shit,’ as if it’s the latest business buzzword. Confidence is critical, and the guy’s got the charisma of a Hollywood heartthrob. But let’s not get too carried away here.

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Your resume’s the real star of this show. While some sass can be charming, there’s a thin line between memorable and “Did they really just say that?” So, let’s channel that charm into crafting a standout document that’s memorable for all the right reasons.

Don’t Be

Hold onto your hats because we’ve got a resume pushing boundaries in the name of self-expression! It is catching eyes because its background is of a studio portrait where the applicant’s half-naked, striking a pose that screams, “I’m comfortable in my skin!”

Image courtesy of zaddawadda / Reddit

Fashion-forward might work for the runway, but a professional setting’s a different ball game. Your passions are captivating, but let’s channel that artistic flair into crafting something showcasing your skills and personality in a way that doesn’t leave the hiring manager blushing.

When Seinfeld is a Skill

Who knew binge-watching Seinfeld and mastering yoga poses could land you a job? And Reddit? They may be the ultimate internet sleuth. This job applicant’s resume is a snapshot of their very unique talents and interests. Yes, emphasis on the word ‘unique.’

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While Seinfeld might not be your golden ticket, harness your other skills to make a solid case for your job candidacy. After all, a well-rounded mix and proper delineation between skills and interests can be your secret ingredient to success!

Modest, Indeed

Buckle up because things are going to get intriguing. This applicant has a resume that’s sparser than a Californian desert. We don’t know where they get the face to call their limited experience “varied” and their qualifications “modest.”

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This guy can turn a one-act play into a Shakespearean drama. While there’s an air of understatement, it’s also bold. Perhaps they’re inviting us to read between the lines, where “varied” becomes a sampler platter of skills and “modest” is code for a hidden gem.

Screams Deportation

Here is a candidate who’s waving the “authorized to work in the US of A” flag with gusto. It is a bold claim that’s practically saying, “No need to call deportation, I’m the real deal. I’ve also been through immigration legally.”

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Oh, and what else did we spot? Her self-appointed work hours and this candidate’s need to declare her mayo-hating stance. Mayo? The classic condiment that’s the unsung hero of sandwiches, fries, and even salads? That’s a huge red flag right there!

Waste of Paper

We’re all gathered around the conference table, diving into resumes and discussing qualifications. All seems pretty standard until we stumble upon an application where the candidate majored in the fine art of putting ‘n/a’ in the work experience and education sections.

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Major kudos for consistency. She is a zen master of non-engagement. No work history, no educational background—just a serene ‘n/a’ staring back at us. Was she home-schooled, and how did she get past the cave age, learning how to type? What a mystery!

Sell Us Birth Control

We stumbled upon a candidate who majored in negotiation and medical sales. Now, that’s a combo you don’t see every day—someone who’s not only skilled in deal-making but also knows the ins and outs of medical sales. But what really tickled our curiosity was the idea of putting those skills to the test.

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We playfully joked about having him sell us the concept of using artificial contraceptives to keep the unprofessional rates in check. Of course, we won’t go down that rabbit hole, but it’s intriguing how someone’s qualifications can spark creative scenarios.

Didn’t Get Away With It

We were sifting through applications, and suddenly, there it was—a selfie of a guy and his buddy, chilling half-naked in their apartment. Did he hope that we wouldn’t browse through his document, or was this a mistaken file upload?

Image courtesy of Dani_Daniela / Reddit

This is what a plot twist in a rom-com looks like It had us scratching our heads and chuckling simultaneously. While we won’t be adding “half-naked apartment selfies” to our hiring criteria, we’ve ramped up the need for an applicant who triple-checks.

Survival Skills

Imagine this: we’re knee-deep in qualifications when suddenly, we come across a candidate who’s proudly listed “Type 1 Diabetic” as a work-related activity. Did this person mean to say that having all limbs intact and not getting gangrene was something professionally commendable?

Image courtesy of SMASH917 / Reddit

Turning a health challenge into a quirky job skill takes some profound imagination. While we might not be hiring for the “Diabetes Dodging Specialist” position, it’s hard not to smile at the audacity. Who knew that managing a medical condition could become an unexpected bullet point on a resume?

Highschool Drepout

We are all for creative spelling, but we didn’t know that secondary institutions offered “deplomas” these days. He’s a pro at playing “Ches” instead of chess. Oh, and only a year of high school? Is this person telling us she was a highschool drepout?

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While creativity is fantastic, remember, your resume isn’t a canvas for wild imagination. Employers appreciate flair, but a dash of professionalism goes a long way. Stick to the facts, highlight your skills, and let your experience shine. We’re confident there are skillsets you can boast of that can land the job.

Please, What?

Here we find a single-word letter of despair—”please.” Now, we have seen concise, but this takes the cake. While we can’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy, it’s worth mentioning that appealing to emotion won’t necessarily do the trick.

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You can’t woo the hiring manager with a sad puppy face. We’re all about passion, but a single-word plea isn’t quite the secret password to unlock the job vault. We need more than a heartstring-tugging sigh to see the potential in a candidate.

Floppy Answer

Today’s resume review was like a trip back to the ’90s. An applicant walked in to hand us over a digital file saved in a floppy disk! Yep, you read that right—a relic from 1998, complete with a resume saved on it, and we thought these things were obsolete.

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We’re all for retro vibes, but relying on floppy disks in the age of cloud storage is like using a typewriter when you’ve got a sleek laptop. The times have changed. Cloud storage and e-mail are the name of the game now.

Wise Career Objective

It’s worth noting that clarity and professionalism matter when you’re presenting yourself to potential employers. A catchy name might turn heads, but let’s focus on showcasing skills and experiences rather than broadcasting a questionable mantra. So this applicant should know better to place his legal name instead of his AOL username.

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After a tough split, this character is diving into a new chapter—his career. With lessons learned, we hope he channels his energy into professional growth, ready to conquer challenges and thrive in his chosen path toward success and self-discovery.

Duolingo Certified

You spot a candidate claiming to be fluent in Japanese thanks to their 671-day Duolingo streak. Kudos for dedication, but let’s get real here—fluency isn’t built on smartphone streaks alone. True fluency involves more than completing colorful lessons.

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Language is nuanced, and fluency comes from real-world practice, complex conversations, and cultural immersion. Don’t get discouraged—671 days is an impressive dedication! But remember, speaking a language is about navigating real-life scenarios, not just matching words on a screen.

Navigates the Kitchen Sink

Let’s tackle a common misconception. You’ve got a candidate who claims to be a jack of all trades, able to fix the kitchen sink and change light bulbs blindfolded. Impressive, right? But hold on, let’s not confuse plumbing skills with culinary expertise.

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Cooking isn’t just throwing things together—it’s an art, a science. Culinary masters are all about flavors, techniques, and creativity. So, while your multi-talented handyman could save the day during a plumbing emergency, let’s not expect him to whip up a soufflé that’ll blow our minds.

Job Mismatch?

Unless you’re vying for a gig as a professional driver, your everyday driver’s license isn’t quite a career-defining qualification. It’s like flaunting your ability to make a toast at a cooking competition. Sure, driving’s essential, but if it’s not the crux of the job you’re after.

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Now, if you’re chasing that delivery driver or chauffeur position, by all means, rev up that professional driving license. But for other roles, let’s focus on the qualifications that make you stand out from the competition. Let your skills do the talking and leave the driving license parked on the side.

Pep Talk

In the grand job-hunting arena, this candidate boldly declared, “I can make it happen!” They weren’t just listing skills, but summoning an air of confidence that screamed, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” They have a motivational pep talk on their resume.

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Need project management? “I can make it happen.” Craving creative problem-solving? “I can make it happen.” Seeking a reliable multitasker? Yep, you guessed it. They’re not just talking the talk; they’re ready to walk the walk if only they could devote the time to rephrase this better.